Hey guys, I found this excellent tip from a reddit user and I'm copying his text here. He offered this as advice for anyone interested in getting into "sugar" SD/SB arrangements. They are fantastic, so I am posting here for you. Again, not written by me, but I share the same experiences, and agree with almost all points:
- I look for a Sugar Relationship that feels like normal dating, but with boundaries and financial support.
- There should be mutual attraction, mutual chemistry and mutual respect
- There should be mutual Attention, mutual Appreciation and mutual Affection
- We should build a friendship and not make each other feel like it is only business, but we should both understand the financial expectations.
- Because of the typical age gap, there should not be any expectation of a serious relationship that leads to marriage or children.
- Because it is Sugar Dating, when we are not together we stay in contact, but respect each others privacy and private life.
- When we are together, we do very normal dating activities like dining out, cooking in, movies out, movies in, clubs, beaches, hikes, trips, etc and sex should feel like a natural part of the relationship.
- Neither of us should feel like we are being taken advantage of or taking advantage of the other.
- I always start with an uncompensated platonic M&G in a safe, comfortable public place like a coffee shop, restaurant or bar.
- If she is relatively new to Sugar Dating I will let her know I understand it can be scary and unnerving for a young woman to meet an older man she only recently met on the internet for a "date". I will offer to speak on the phone or video call in advance to help put them at ease. I will ask if they get "cold feet" to let me know in advance and I would be happy to reschedule to a time when they are more comfortable. Putting them at ease dramatically reduces ghosting.
- I will mention financial support many times during the discussion and gauge their comfort level with discussing money. If they change the subject or seem uncomfortable, I won't push it. I prefer not to discuss allowance specifics until after we have confirmed mutual interest either at the M&G or just after, but I am fine discussing it earlier if they want to.
- I pay for all date related expenses at the M&G and often provide a gift at the end as a token of my interest. I will not agree to specific compensation for the M&G as part of agreeing to meet. Any request for a "meet fee" or "booking fee" is an automatic next.
- Even though we both agreed on an uncompensated platonic M&G, my best Sugar Relationships have started with very strong natural attraction and chemistry that led both of us to throw away the rule book and had sex as a continuation of the M&G with out even discussing allowance. I always provided an allowance at the end, but felt stopping to discuss finances would have interrupted the mood.
- We start the arrangement with an agreement on a per date allowance (others call it a Pay Per Meet (PPM)) and on how often we would like to meet, assuming things go well. I typically agree to weekly dates.
- Neither of us is obligated to continue if we aren't getting what we want out of the relationship.
- I will tell them that I believe most people know if they are sexually attracted to someone quickly, but I understand it may take some time to feel comfortable acting on that attraction. I don't assume we will have sex on our first "real" date, but I make it clear that if it takes too long for her to be comfortable with sex, I will assume she is either not attracted to me or does not have a very strong sex drive and we would not be a good match.
- I will express my interest in a long term exclusive Sugar Relationship, but assume we are not exclusive at the start, both will keep are options open and practice safe sex.
- After dating a while, I may agree to transition to a weekly allowance. I move to an allowance as a recognition of how the relationship has developed, not as an incentive to move the relationship to a higher level. If something is missing in the relationship, moving to an allowance will just make that something worse.
- Moving to allowance takes trust on both sides and trust takes time and consistent actions to build. By this time, we should have discussed and agreed to exclusivity, regularly have overnights and have agreed to sex without protection.
- I pay the allowance independent of how often we meet. Some weeks we may not meet at all, others we may meet 2+ times, but I expect we will meet more frequently.
- I would normally increase the weekly allowance to more than the per date allowance. She gets more allowance, I get a reduced per date rate. If we genuinely like seeking each other it is a win-win.
- I enjoy providing gifts, travel and experiences, but don't include it as an expectation of the arrangement because it is too undefined and sets us both up for disappointment. I will think I'm being generous and she is disappointed. Any request for extra support early in the relationship is a major turn off. As the relationship matures, additional asks are allowed and expected.
- I enjoy being dominant sexually and would need to explore that as part of the Sugar Relationship, but I introduce the concept carefully and slowly increase the experience after reviewing each experience and discussing what we would like to try next time allowing for full disclosure and consent at each step along the way.
- I've had 3 Long Term Sugar Relationships that each lasted over a year. One lasted more than 4.5 years, but transitioned from SB/SD to boyfriend/girlfriend, and from boyfriend/girlfriend to living together. We almost married.
- I remain good friends with all 3 of the women from my longest Sugar Relationships and expect we will be life long friends.
[ Last edited by jeffzeke at 1-2-2021 15:21 ] | |
